Why am I going on this trip?

Just like the conflict, this question has many different levels. (Being an out-of-work pastor at the moment, you can forget about getting a simple answer to a simple question. If you need the quick answer, here you go: the timing was right and I’m a sucker for fresh olives.)

1) The first level is about my sense of purpose. My faith tells me that my purpose is not found in my athletic ability, bank account, video game skills, political power, or number of children. Having a building named after me on a college campus is no more important in the grand scheme of things than my uncontrollable dominance at the Atari game Frogger. (This is not an exaggeration. I was the Frogger master of the entire sixth grade class. My dominance was legendary.)
No. My faith tells me that my purpose comes from responding to the unique call of God on my life. It may be to give a kind word to someone at a certain time, or to work together with difficult people, or to NOT work together by standing up against unjust laws, or something completely different. It all stems from an unpredictable, seemingly irrational man from the middle east, who responded to God’s call by eating together with outcasts and priests alike, giving hope to the hurting, calling the religious self-righteous to account, challenging legalism, loving the “enemies,” and eventually getting executed in an apparent display of utter weakness. While we spend our days creating different ways to rank ourselves – trying to prove ourselves “better than” or “worse than” others (depending on whether you fancy yourself a hero or a martyr), the example of this man testifies that none of it makes a hill of beans difference if it’s not initiated by the Spirit of love. So drop the ranking system and listen for the new thing God wants to create through you.
God’s call is unique to every person, because every situation is completely unique. But you can count on one commonality: we are always called to love beyond our current capacity. We must love that person we hate. Does somebody offend you? Really get under your skin? Yeah, that’s probably God’s call to love them. Annoying but true. It usually requires overcoming fear, too, and often yields fruits of joy and peace, though it may take a while to get there.
So this is the first level answer to the question: I am going because my life’s purpose is wrapped up in God’s purpose, and I feel an indescribable, irrational sense of calling to take this step. Not to go “fix” or “save” anybody, but to go there, be present with the conflict, pray like mad, and await further orders.

2) The second level answer relates to the short-term response to the conflict. There’s a lot of pain over there; deep, long-lasting pain. Emotional pain is typically the most difficult to endure, but physical pain and economic hardship only make it worse. If my presence can possibly provide any comfort to those who find themselves stuck between Palestinian factions on the one hand and Israeli military occupation on the other, with its unequal system of laws and rights, that’s what I want to offer. Sometimes, just like with a grieving friend, being present with them in their pain and saying, “Yeah, this sucks, and I’m sorry,” helps them know they’re not alone. If my presence can also help bring accountability and self-consciousness to situations of violence, and thereby lower the tension level and avoid a violent clash, then all the better.

3) The third level answer reaches into the long-term response to the conflict. Whether we like it or not, we U.S. citizens have a huge role in this here board game. We are the banker, which gives us a lot of influence. While our foreign policy toward Israel is not the only factor in an eventual solution, it’s a big one that could realistically mean the difference between a conflict moving in the direction of dialogue, accountability, and peace, or in the direction of apartheid and Armageddon.
Our cross-country bike trip last year affirmed for me in a new way that the people of the U.S. are good. We met so many wonderful, hospitable, charitable people, it’s hard to doubt that the majority of Americans would not want our country to support justice and freedom in this situation. If there are other folks anything like me, they haven’t had an understanding of the conflict beyond “these guys hate those guys and they’ve been killing each other since biblical times.” Therefore, why would I know anything or care about U.S. aid to the area? In my preparation for this trip, I’ve learned that the conflict does indeed have some important details, some solvable elements, and a possibility for resolution. I hope that adding one more first-hand experience to our conversation here in the U.S. will help bring us closer to a foreign policy that pushes for a real, lasting, and just peace for everyone involved.

4) The fourth level answer is personal. There comes a time in any endeavor, be it a relationship, a career, a sport, or a faith journey, when you have to take a risk. It just seems to be part of the formula. Every great politician, successful businessperson, great pillar of the faith, and even every Dukes of Hazard episode faced some moment of crisis, where success was lying just out of reach, requiring a risk be taken; a leap of faith.
I don’t dare equate this little jaunt into Israel / Palestine with my grandfather’s leap of faith, a WWII flying ace sent on a suicide mission from Guadalcanal where his chances of returning were far below 50/50. (He did return, by the way.) Nor does it measure up to the risks of early Anabaptists, who lost their lives for their faith. No, I see this as one more little practice leap. Just one in a long series, starting with that risky first step away from the coffee table, then that risky phone call to Crystal Sawyer in ninth grade asking her out (she said no), a risky move away from home to Montana, a risky proposal to Brooke (she said yes), and a risky move out of the business world into pastoring. I think this is how God prepares us for the big risks. Like children. My hat’s off to everyone who’s taken that leap.
In my own journey, I feel I’ve studied and talked and read enough, and the time has come to put up or shut up. I say that I believe Jesus’ way of peace is the way to solve conflicts, now it’s time to put some money where my proverbial mouth is. I must start walking that walk, and traveling into a militarily occupied territory is the risk that I have to face.
My plan, of course, is to remain in denial as long as possible – hopefully until I board the plane. Then the shock of my upcoming mission can all descend upon me at once, I can get a little woozy, take some Tums, and get it all out of my system in a relatively short period of time. I am succeeding in this by putting off my packing until the very last minute. I’ll let you know how that works out.